- Age / Gender:
- 21, Female
- Location not disclosed
- All Stats >
Musician/Reviewer I like to write reviews and write/listen to music.
- Community Stats
Level 46 Musician
Ranked as Sup. Commander
Contact Info / Websites
I'm not done with NG forever persay, I'm still sticking around mainly until the end of January but I just have a lot of reasons for leaving and being less active in regards to the site. As positive of a kitty as I try to stay I'm just not seeing a point sticking to it when people just don't seem to care about being better on the forums, in reviews, or most other places of the site. (ayyyyy staff, been a great running helping out on the site, I hope new users can come take my role and actually make the site happier somehow.)
Will I still be a mod? Nope, stepping down from here since being on here less = modding less = no point being a mod at that point. Will I still review and be on the forums? On occasion. Will I still be cheery? That all depends really. Along with that, half the time you can't be logical in arguments because people seem to feel opinions (usually hateful or spiteful) are a better way to go and then they laugh and hope new users run away due to how unkind the forums and some reviewers can get.
DO I have anything against the userbase of Newgrounds? No, it's just a few rotten eggs who feel they should be exempt from shit and then when caught and called out on it cry "oppression" or "oh, well it's ok when you mods do it but not us." On the later point, those threads tend to get locked because they diverge into shit slinging hate fest at users for no reason. Parody threads should be funny, not mean and spiteful.
Starting out modding, I loved it, I really did, I felt I was able to help the community more in the Games and Movies sections by tagging and re-rating things and removing junk that didn't belong. 2 years later, I got suggested to be an Audio mod and later was BBS and Review modded a month later. I had a lot of power and I felt helpful but I began to churn and want to cry on a nightly basis as well (boohoo, mods have feelings too, especially people like me in my position of life) because I was unhappy away from Newgrounds and was slowly just waking up and usually dreading to come on Newgrounds anymore on a weekly basis to help mod. Not because I hate other mods or anything (only like 1 or 2 mods I usually don't get along with for reasons), but because I yearned for more out of life and my music block did not seem to be letting up and then there are gender issues.
Reasons for Going after All this Time
Firstly, my gender issues. For those who don't already know (and for the very few who get annoyed hearing it every time) I'm transsexual and associate myself as a female and always have. I was in the closet for the longest time and I just pretty much broke down, cried, and came out to my closest of friends away from Newgrounds, and cried more because I didn't think they would accept me or want to be my friends any longer. I spent so many years wearing a mask that disgusted me and never fit me or who I am (@Fro, thanks for being there in the beginning mate, I think I came out to you first years before anyone else because I felt you were the most level headed to know at the time.)
It's like you wake up every day and realize something isn't right and when you live in a rural transphobic and homophobic part of the US, you learn to pretty much never say anything to anyone growing up. When the family would go shopping for new clothes, I would regrettably walk along with them to the men's clothing section but stare at the women's clothes the whole time and hate myself for not being emotionally strong enough yet to go pick up a shirt I actually liked and adored.
I ended up finally yet slowly and secretly buying feminine clothing in high school and wore it in my private and alone time, yet I still wasn't happy just to wear it. I felt wrong and every time I stared between my legs or regretabbly poked and played with it, I felt self hatred afterwards and just wanted it gone from my life. That thing made me sadder than anything going through puberty and for the longest time I was crying inside and just begging for help and someone to reach out to to help me get through the hell of being born as the wrong gender. I... I, finally did get help in late 2013 and progress has been slow which makes me want to cry a bit. I just feel I missed out on going through the right puberty and it drains me emotionally inside on some days to see how much quicker and farther ahead some friends are already.
Secondly, I honestly don't have a social life and now that the first part of this is becoming more positive and starting to look up, I want to start getting more of a life. My job sucks meaning I don't make much money meaning I tend to spend A LOT OF TIME here wasting away and wondering why I keep trying despite living in such a terrible place. Being able to talk to people on skype, facebook, or through a cell phone screen is ok but I'd much rather it be face to face because it feels like it means more in this day and age to be face to face with friends rather than behind a screen (@Entice, @Rad, @Ragnarokia, @SevenSeize, @yurgenburgen, @Troisnyx, @stormybutterfly, @BrentheMan, and @tox, swear I'm going to meet all of you amazing wonderful friends one day <3 )
I plan to buckle down and take my college more seriously rather than waste it away here and gain more motivation to get back on track with writing music again (@ArcaneSoul, @Step, Troisnyx, @HalyconFalconX, @SkyeWint, @Quarl, and @Lich, I would like to thank you all as well for being huge motivational helpers in getting me back onto track somewhat and to stop wasting my life and hating myself so much.)
I also plan to start selling off a bunch of things (sorry for scrapping the mystery box idea everyone, maybe if I get enough money out of the stuff and all, I might, keyword being "might" be able to slap together one or two SMALL mystery boxes) so I can get money saved up to move out of state and starting trying to live happily elsewhere (New York, Florida, Canada, just somewhere really liberal that's accepting of the LGBT community.) Money is a bit more important to me right now than Mystery boxes sadly, I need to be able to move out, get my name and gender legally changed, surgeries, etc etc.
Finally, friends leaving the site. And that's quite a few, I keep in contact with a few off site and view them as really, really close friends (if they happen to be reading this, I hope they understand how much them just being a friend is to me, whether we talk a lot or not at all, just know, I'm thankful to be a part of your life, big or small :') .) And some of them just seem to have vanished altogether off of the internet (Dei-Sama, Fro (mostly, I can understand though), Sevkat, Back-From-Purgatory, Deadchick (she was so chill :c ), SkyBolt-DX (where'd you go, I miss you so :( ), and InsertFunnyUserName)
Like I said, the few who I consider to be true and very close friends and all, I keep in contact with away from Newgrounds. The place just feels so empty to me without them here and it feels like there isn't much more point staying when they aren't really here anymore. Things change, time changes, people come and go but friends are always something I cherish.
Do I think Newgrounds and the mod and staff are terrible? No. Do I think users of this site can be toxic and leave very negative thoughts on the site for other people? Yes, I'm not listing names because I'm not in a mood anymore to listen to them throw a shitfit towards me and cry "I am not a bad person, I'm funny, fuck you." Yea, that shit's done, they know what they've done.
Will I still come to Newgrounds every now and then? Yes, I might deposit my points as well. Tom and the team have put their hearts right into the site (even if people don't always agree with what they do for us) and I bear no ill will towards any of you (TomFulp, WadeFulp, liljim, and BrenTheMan, thanks for always listening when I had something to say, even if it might sound dumb or I annoy you (sorry if I do annoy you guys :c ) ), you guys haven't done anything wrong and I've stated why I'm stepping down at the end of next month.
The Ever friendly and kind hearted feline,
Recent Game Medals
Total Medals Earned: 3,353 (From 613 different games.)